Warming By the Fire Ants

Ready for a giggle? Humor writer and outdoorsman Jim Mize shares how his crappie fishing and gator nest spotting adventure went awry from an unfortunate run-in with fire ants.

Normally, I don’t worry about fire ants while crappie fishing from a boat. But fire ants aren’t normal.

I was fishing with Steve English, who guides crappie fishermen on the Santee Cooper lakes. Steve was helping a group of outdoor writers from the South Carolina Outdoor Press Association get photos and story material. During this process, he was also helping us catch fish.

Crappie love brush-piles, and Steve knows the locations of more than a second-grader can count. Scattered at various depths, the brush piles offer fishing targets that suit any weather condition or season.

We fished minnows just above the brush, and while those rods bobbed due to ripples from a light breeze, we also bounced plastic-tailed jigs. Crappie, catfish, and small stripers responded to both baits.

The catching and shutter-snapping progressed at a steady rate.

We were counting crappie in terms of meal numbers — “that’s two suppers” — while visions of hushpuppies danced in our heads.

The sun and temperatures kept rising, and Steve suggested a cruise to cool off. We agreed.

As we ran up the Diversion Canal to Lake Marion, Steve posed an interesting question, namely, “Does anyone want to see a gator nest?”

A number of questions came to mind, such as, “How close do we get?” “Are we looking from the safety of the boat?” and “Is the gator home?”

But I kept these to myself.

Steve beached the boat and led the way. We edged through branches and hanging vegetation, taking care to watch for wasps and snakes.

Emerging on the backside of the bank, we saw a gator nest, and the gator happened to be elsewhere. So far, so good.

This is where it got lively.

On our return to the boat, Steve began to dance.

His Texas Two-Step seemed out of place, though quite spirited. Dancing with the Stars judges would have been impressed if this were an audition.

I looked on with a curious expression as he continued to pick up pace. Then it suddenly became clear when he yelled, “FIRE ANTS!”

Steve was dressed in sandals and shorts so the ants started gnawing on him right away. I looked down at my pants and shoes, only to realize all those tiny freckles were crawling with bared teeth.

In case you have never encountered fire ants, let me tell you a little about them.

Fire ants are like taxes; there are always more of them than you want, and no one likes them.

They are stinging insects related to bees and wasps, so if they decide to have a family reunion, I’d rather not be invited.

Also, fire ants have varied diets. They feed on insects, plant seeds and apparently, fishermen.

Now back to the Two-Stepping guide and his party.

Having followed Steve through gator-infested backwaters and fire ant mounds, I took his suggestion when he waded into the lake to drown the ants.

Slapping at ants trying to climb above the water, I managed minimal damage and only some soggy shoes for my mishap.

So should you decide to go fishing with Steve, I’ll offer one word of advice. Plan on plenty of fish and some fine eating afterwards, but if he offers you an up-close view of a gator’s nest I recommend looking at it from the boat.

In parting, you might be interested to learn that the fire ant gets its name from the burning sensation of its sting, leaving way too many of us warming by the fire ants.